The evening arrives
in a downcast moment,
jabbing spears at
anguished hours of longing,
cynical wounds
bash the soul
of a romantic.
Struggling to breath
consumed by the emptiness.
Alone so very long …
desiring a gentle caress,
an essential need
a touch that awakens
the body’s impulse
to the hands of another.
Not just any other...
a soul companion
a match of the mind
a connection that
knocks me silly
that drives me crazy
that I cannot walk
away from easily.
Cynical thoughts
creep in trying to
pollute and weaken
a romantic’s heart.
It wins some days
most other days
22 comments:
love your words. I hear you about the force that is trying to snuff out hope's and dreams. don't listen to it!
as soon as I read this line' cynical wounds bash the soul of a romantic' I was connected to the rest.
more power to the optimist!
awesome work as usual, River!
thank you
Yes, the optimist must live on. You are young, fantastically talented and wonderful - you have put out to the universe this longing. Will be interesting to see what it sends:) Wonderful poem.
Real emotions, poignantly expressed. Perseverance is our best option and in joy and beauty we tame our own emotions. Well written. Gay @beachanny
I like this, for the most part.
The third stanza (starting with: "Alone so very long. . .") pretty much nailed the core of the piece, in a sublime manner.
The last two stanzas seem superfluous, the end-stanza too spell-it-out/non-poetic, like you're dumbing down the work for those who didn't take the time to really read what came before it.
But those first three stanzas - stellar, wish I'd written them.
This is just a respectful suggestion, of course. It's your poem - what does your gut tell you about it? :)
Hope in optimism. The cynic in me doesn't want to relate to this poem. Thank goodness the romantic side wins out. Wonderful poem, River
From one romantic to another...well done!
Thank you everyone!
hope- thank goodness for optimism or there would be frowning people everywhere. :)
Sherry- don't they say the first step is to admit to oneself. The poem was a long time in the making.
Steve- first thank you for your honest critique. You ask me what my gut feels. Thats easy- its me. The 2nd to last is what a soul companion is to me. Then the last is the battle of two- the cynic and the romantic.In my opinion the poem is better with those two elements.
dustus- I'm glad the romantic part of you won over the cynic. Thats what the poem is about. Long Live the Romantic! lol
Beachanny- :) I wrote it being as true as I could be with myself.
Timotoe- :)
"It wins some days - most other days the optimist lives on."
I really like your closing thought--keepin' the hope alive. And how true about those cynical thoughts...nasty little things. :)
Ah ever the optimist..the hopeless romantic in me loves this one River. Especially knows the pain of emptiness when the soul carves love..
Romantic/cynic...it doesn't matter, it expresses the duality in all of us.
I liked the whole poem, and fell right into it...without the usual struggle of the new.
It sings deeply of all of us...and I think....the romantic will win out.
Lovely, resonant poem.
Lady Nyo
This is a great piece. Love being one of my favourite topics, despite being bite and stung numerous times and then blindsided years later I still manage somehow to remain a romantic and not cynical at all. This is a wonderful one shot. Love and Light, Sender
Beautiful! I like to be the optimist too....
i so like this part with the soul companion, the match of mind, the connection that knocks one silly...nice
Romantics feel both the soaring highs and the dreary lows of love... that's what makes them (us?) romantics.
I liked the final, positive thoughts you ended your One Shot with, River.
ah i so get this one...you nailed me...
Touching.Reach me down thru my soul.Longing for that soulmate.Can feel your emotions in every word.
Alone so very long …aahh.the longing.
Beautiful and soulful one shot.
beautiful poem... "the optimist lives on." great line!
From one romantic to the other: May the optimist never tire!
A lovely hopeful poem, River... Sometimes, the brain tries to become a control freak, and gives out all sorts of commands.. the heart just needs to be a little patient and be complacent towards good ol' brain :) Heart will eventually win ofcourse!
Dear River
I enjoyed every moment of it... so wonderful and your last lines are prefect...
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
From a big optimist/ me / always keep the hope! Lovely post!
The longing is evident in the sigh that took the wings of words and flowed into the paper!
Nice River
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